An opportunity to pre-buy my diary of touring Iraq and Afghanistan in a tutu.
Shelled, chased by camel spiders, still refusing to dance the Sugar Plum Fairy under any circumstances. Becoming mascot to 42 Commando Royal Marines - against the MOD's recommendation - falling foul of the Regimental Sergeant Major's square-bashing fixation, crowned Honorary Southern Belle by South Carolina army captain Solo.
'Our eyes and ears out there...hilarious and touching stories! Go, Tutuboy, you rock!'
'I must thank you for your magnificent efforts!'
The First Sea Lord
'Princess, we're in Iraq - those pretty, purple-lit mountains aren't the Himalayas!'
Royal Marines Commando 'Stacks'