Yet more passive-aggressive emails from, as we're calling them, Animated Brain Tableaux. I must remember my goals - My Tutu Went AWOL! becoming a best-seller. And my process for making that happen - being booked for literary festivals everywhere. All good, so far. But to avoid utter psychological enfrazzlement, my future self advises, I must rewrite those sad stories. And I would, apparently, know full well which ones. Yes, indeed, I must rewrite those sad stories as happy, beginning way back in childhood.
My future self didn't say that the sad stories needed to be our own. So:
Insy-Winsy Spider checks the weather forecast.
Humpty Dumpty observes proper parameters for health and safety.
The mother cat loops the fated Mittens over the Three Kittens' wrists.
Three Sighted Mice...
The ding-dong dell well has a grille fitted.
Little Miss Muffet isn't an arachnophobe.
Confiscated - the Sparrow's Bow and Arrow!
Nellie the Elephant unpacks her trunk having said, 'Hello again!' to the circus.
The hunters miss Bambi's father.
Tiny Tim does die.
And do you know, it works - quite as well as four gins, a kebab and a botty-wank.