Thursday, 8 March 2018

Iestyn Edwards's Blog: Entitlement is Rife

Iestyn Edwards's Blog: Entitlement is Rife:   I’ve inherited Eirwen’s sense of entitlement. (She's my mother.)  After I was confirmed, I expected to be casting out demons.  And...

Entitlement is Rife

  I’ve inherited Eirwen’s sense of entitlement. (She's my mother.)  After I was confirmed, I expected to be casting out demons.  And I’m miffed at the low impact nature of my paranoia.  I should be unable to watch television because I think the canned laugher is at me; be convinced that anyone’s mobile phone ringing will be the Freemasons checking up on me; be unable to go to a barber’s or clip my toe nails, because a witch doctor would use the hair and the clippings to make that planned voodoo doll of me.

  Oh, and I had stress-sinusitis when I was reduced to funding my own audiobook. 

  The beggars outside Morrison's, Wood Green, all believe that they alone are entitled to work that patch.  Each in turn will go and fetch security to see off the others.
  One was sitting holding up a sign that said I am dumb and homeless.  
  'See...having a sign is an unfair advantage.'
  'But he's dumb...' security insisted.
  'I wasn't so hot on school, either...oh...!'

  Later, Jehovah's Witnesses set up their stand.  They sang hymns. 
  A woman in a sou'wester and Ugg boots waved them to silence and pointed at the beggar with the sign.  'Hardly a level playing field, you being able to sing, now, is it?'

Wednesday, 7 March 2018

Not Without Chocolate!

  Just bumped into the people from yesterday. They asked where the disused railway line was. I said we were standing on it. I've invited them to my book talk tomorrow night at the Saxmundham Library.  'Only four pounds and you get some nice wine!'
  'What's the title of your book?' he asked.
  'My Tutu Went AWOL!'
  'That and wine.  Sounds ideal.'
  Yes, with chocolate it would be.

  #suffolklibrary #Saxmundham #library #libraries #comedy #theatre #baritone #wine #food #chocolate #treats

Tuesday, 6 March 2018

Audience Survey Forms

  I've been putting some of these in my live show.

  He was exactly the right size for the venue.
  The two people in front of me didn't like him.

  I think I may have liked him more readily than did other village folk, because my great chum Lord Julian was one of the earliest people ever to die of full-blown AIDS.
  Before we booked this act, we used to have string quartets and piano recitals.  I suspect we'll be going back to those.

  His book is ideal for a second-home spare bedroom!

  He's an interesting racial mix, isn't he - obviously half Maori, half Jewish. 

  What on earth must his parents be like?

  No wonder his shoes were in that state when he went onstage - I warned him if he took the short cut to the village hall at his planned time, then the cows would have been taken across and it would all be the wrong kind of squidgy!

  I doubt in future we'll let a visiting artiste judge the quiche and jam making. 

  What was wrong with the raffle?  

  He could be the love child of Anne Widdecombe. 



Wednesday, 28 February 2018

Portsmouth Postponed

  So sorry, but due to freeze and flurries, my Portsmouth Book Fest talk is postponed.  When sunshine returns, says Fest chief exec Clare Forsyth, we'll reschedule.
  She added, 'Because of all the different aspects of your show, we're not restricted to Book Fest time, either...'
  No. I've done everything from Royal Marine shows in hangars in the Helmand Province, through Christmas Lunch for music execs at the Hilton, to Flower Festival appearances in St Peter's Church for the non-elected Dean of Booking.
  RMC Rink-Dink said he's sad to miss my return to Portsmouth. 'Snow stops play. Honking. But your background what would we send to bring you down to Pompey when there's no trains?  Apache Helicopter, winged chariot, Liberace-like spangled winch?'
  #mytutuwentawol @unbound_digital @lisaeveleigh #book #booktalk #booktour

My Tutu Went Audio

Monday, 26 February 2018

Still Loving a Library

  I love library gigs, because I love libraries. 
  Years ago I bought a copy of Cenerentola, for some Glyndebourne open day master classes.  That there were no markings in it from a previous library borrower made me feel oddly lonely.  No previous library borrower to hail as comrade for writing the instruction "Take bloody big breaths like 
the stampeding horse".  Pristine page after pristine page.  Though 
soon marked by me: “Too bloody ”, “Much too bloody fast”, “Supersonic boomingly too bloody fast”.
#library #theatre #lgbtq #book