'After sound check, you have a query out front,' said stage management. I was hosting Showzam in the Blackpool Tower Ballroom. 'Her over there. She's been too difficult even for the circus archivists.' A woman with a waved combover, in a sequined puffa jacket, nylon culottes and pink trainers. Wafting Lily of the Valley and carbolic. 'You may have seen my quick step earlier to the Wurlitzer.' Her tone was no-crap librarian. 'Every Wednesday I've danced here since before even my mother passed on. To the Wurlitzer only when practicable.' She spiralled a wrist at me. 'And I've got my three expected carrier bags. In this first one: Happy Shopper vodka. Not paying your bar prices. In two - shrimp that were Morecambe-bought, home-self-potted. In three - glad rags. So, I'll thank you to tell me your band's set list. Then I'll decide if or not I'm staying.' I told her. She nodded. I watched her step ...