Iestyn Edwards is...what?

Chat GPT doesn't seem to know the rents in Aldeburgh and Leiston are now exorbitant because of the towns' proximity to the Sizewell C works. Otherwise it's dead right to tell me I've created the wonderful Madame Galina Ballet Star Galactica and shouldn't put up with having been trapped living in a space that looks like a room in an abandoned care home by that most lazy and arrogant burlesquer, Flixy Trixy.  I may have fed Chat GPT that last bit of information.  Flixy made ratatouille. It stank the flat out. I went down for some hot chocolate and switched the extractor fan on for her. The disgusting student cooking stench got worse. I went out and read my book in the park. On the way, I of course noticed she had switched the extractor fan back off. Did she really think I was using it while I heated milk in a saucepan? Or was she being a moron?  When I came back, the stink was even worse - a fug of brown onions, garlic, tomatoes and nigella seeds.  I asked Flixy to pl...

Apparently, it's of neurological good to walk through your house backwards with your clothes on inside out. It makes the brain fire in different ways and this is uplifting. I've done the clothes thing at times purely by accident (been out in the streets wearing a sweater or coat inside out) though never on purpose.  Flixy has delayed coming back from London because the Tits on Tour experience has 'done for her lallies'. Yes, dear. Sitting in a bus and walking about on a stage while stripping unerotically down to bra and pants must be a fast track to the NHS hip and knee replacement register.  I just watched Madonna, another ageing blonde from a bottle, win an award for 'dance' after she performed in a toilet, and one of her backing dancers had to help her up a step.  It's clearly catching.  #brighton #madonna #dance #lgbtqia #autobiography #memoir #diary #diaries #comedy 

I remember Sarah Walton saying when she was still not sure her broken foot had completely healed the Royal Ballet management management made her get up and rehearse Little Red Riding Hood. 'And there was Big Dave as the wolf giving it huge, gangloid jumps and bowling about and I thought, "Fuck this idiot if he knocks me over". And I kept doing the relevés away from him, and they're shouting at me to do them nearer. At one point I yelled back, "I am not getting nearer to all his big lummoxy palaver". And I just sat down at the end and I could tell he was offended.' Oddly, I feel like that with Flixy. I'm vulnerable, unsettled, uncertain - have been ill - and her being what Anna Hulagan calls, 'The laziest and also must arrogant burlesquer' is draining. The grotty condition of the unready room takes me aback whenever it confronts me; as does Flixy's constant and repetitive chat about where each of her next gigs is, exactly how she will trav...

Flixy asks me again to buy some of the bin bags that Trombone Tracey 'misbought'. I tell her no and say it's between her and TT. As is the whole issue of Flixy allowing TT to move out without paying the last month's rent (using the deposit) and failing to do a walk-through with her. Having done that, I say, Flixy should then have kept money back from the deposit for damages and for proper cleaning. The botched blue paint, scrapes, the nails and hooks, the daubs of Polyfilla, the dried slime (is that an oxymoron?), the grime, dirt, thick dust. Flixy insists as TT moved out the same weekend as I was coming - as though that was somehow a requirement: I could easily have delayed coming till the room was cleaned and repainted - she didn't ever see the room. This isn't true - she made up the bed in it for me. Or did she do that blindfold? I ask why she took a deposit from a friend (me) when the place is so cluttered and dirty. 'To make it any worse, Flixy, I'd...

Flixy is showing off to the very cute PAT man. She pokes her head through the kitchen serving hatch. 'What are you doing, please?' I tell her I'm clearing away some of the overspill recycling. She withdraws.  As I'm putting my shoes on, she looms and very loudly, obviously for PAT man to hear, says 'Did I tell you my brilliant plan? You know the sequinned dress I never wear?' How possibly? 'The one I've done some photo shoots in?' Again, how possibly? 'I'm going to take it to Eastbourne on Thursday and get Ivy to model it, telling her it's going on Ebay; and my plan is she'll fall so in love with it, she'll pay me loads and loads of money for it herself.' I can just imagine the PAT man's report. Kitchen a filthy disgrace. Renters are twats. And talk of the Post Offian lack of proper communication between different departments - will he tell the letting agents, who should in turn tell the landlord, Flixy is doing the opposi...

Flixy and Marty got drunk watching reruns of early Sex and the City and brought their weak bladders upstairs ten times in two hours between them. Scuff, buffet, creak, flick, piddle, flush, reverse.  When I went down to make hot chocolate Flixy got all squirmy and overdone pointing out his pornographic socks. The socks have line drawings on (with dots) of breasts. I said they reminded me of Love Hearts sweets.  Flixy gave me a greeting from Seraphina, on the Tits on Tour bus. 'She's very calm to share with and she's very nice in the bus and not like Ivy and Belle who sit at the back when everyone's trying to sleep on the way home and sing. Belle's got the weirdest face, shaped like a corner house...' In the kitchen, I'd forgotten the serving hatch. Flixy could see me mouthing the words along to her umpteen-tieth retelling of this same old shit.  Good, actually.  #diary #memoir #autobiography #biography #brighton #lgbtqia #journal #journalling 

Flixy has always said Trombone Tracey is 'spectrumy' and awkward; and tried to make Flixy move some of her (they're dead, actually) plants, and some other 'stuff' (junk), etc. She also stressed that, in comparison to Flixy's regular performances for  Tits on Tour, Trombone Tracey wasn't doing anything much at all, just hanging around upstairs thumping and being demanding. Whereas actually Trombone Tracey performs stand up at the Top Secret Comedy Club, played trombone for Anne-Marie on a reload of "On the Day We Fell in Love" and has just produced a short film starring Frankie Boyle.   But of course put her Trombone Tracey in a box, Flixy. Put us all in a box, Flixy.  #memoir #autobiography #diary #diaries #lgbtqia #brighton #cabaret #anne-marie