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The Duke of Edinburgh's Favourite Song

 '...the Royal Marine guard on the ship shouted he wished they had shot me in Portsmouth Docks -  and  he confiscated my chocolate HMS Victory canon ball!'   Lovely mention from  The Telegraph about the Trafalgar 200 supper on board HMS Victory with Her Majesty and the Duke of Edinburgh as guests of honour.  Lula, harp, and I performed the Duke of Edinburgh's favourite song.  Hit the link below to hear my version of events on BBC Radio.     Duke of Edinburgh interview begins at 3hrs 30mins

Wurlitzer Only when Practicable

      'After sound check, you have a query out front,' said stage management. I was hosting Showzam in the Blackpool Tower Ballroom. 'Her over there. She's been too difficult even for the circus archivists.'  A woman with a waved combover, in a sequined puffa jacket, nylon culottes and pink trainers. Wafting Lily of the Valley and carbolic.    'You may have seen my quick step earlier to the Wurlitzer.'  Her tone was no-crap librarian.  'Every Wednesday I've danced here since before even my mother passed on. To the Wurlitzer only when practicable.'  She spiralled a wrist at me.   'And I've got my three expected carrier bags.  In this first one: Happy Shopper vodka. Not paying your bar prices. In two - shrimp that were Morecambe-bought, home-self-potted. In three - glad rags. So, I'll thank you to tell me your band's set list. Then I'll decide if or not I'm staying.'    I told her.   She nodded. I watched her step high t

The Devil Made my Todger - a book of Interviews on the Birds and the Bees

                                                    Image Copyright Laura Pink Photography   Here I am reading an excerpt on my YouTube channel... #birdsandbees #humanreproduction #humanbiology #sexeducation 

It Came Upon the Midnight Clear

 Singing a Christmas Carol for my dad.  Meaning my next door neighbour, mate and above all spiritual dad.  Not sperm-donor dad. Oliver Hellis, my SD, aka Olidad, has seen me through Covid.   Hope you're being seen through, too. And that you enjoy the Carol.

Satan Made My Todger

                                                                                                                                                          c Joanna Topley                     It's like packing a child off to school knowing someone might punch it... I sent my agent my second book. (See in bold above.)  Another piece of non-fiction, though not a follow up to My Tutu Went AWOL . I did interview some squaddies for it. Just not this time about war.  I asked in what circumstances were folk told the facts of life - birds and bees, sex-ed, human biology, rumpy-pumpy, smashing some doors front or back, etc - and what precise information were they given? I found I could add an unexpected third question - Did you believe what you were told?   (And a fourth - Did your parents after all need to send for the Flour Advisory Bureau?) I heard:   'Your future husband will deal with that on an if and when basis.' 'No woman has ever conceived while in the upright position.&#