Thursday, 19 July 2018

A Reading and a Hymn

And this is the hymn we sang:

Tuesday, 3 July 2018

What's on the Specials Board?

  My Tutu Went AWOL!
Latest ***** from the author of The Guardian Book of the Year.
And still my mother pretends it doesn't exist. 

Wednesday, 27 June 2018

Opera in the Gym?

    Are you listening to the right music in the gym to get the best results?
  No, tests show, if you're not listening to Mozart, Tchaikowsky, Wagner, et al.
  We know what uber-fit Royal Marines Commando Stacks had to say.
  Now wondering what the gym boffins think?

#gym #workout #gymhacks #fitness #results #trainhard #training #PT #music

Friday, 15 June 2018

Booker Beware - a Corporate Entertainment No-No

 It's happened again. A corporate booker using my show to shock. 

  Schlock Horror! 

Yes, my drag ballerina act might be outrageous. 'Tour de force, interactive...' said The Sun
  'Takes the Volunteer from the Audience conceit and knocks seven merry bells out of it.  Trailing clouds of talcum powder, tiddly-iddle thudding in unconscionable knickers.  Ribald, mouthy, unmissable.'
  And, also yes, there's corporate entertainment out there of the kind that can be safely half-ignored over some Gloucestershire artisan fizz and vegan spam canap├ęs. 
  Both are viable.  You pays your money...
  I will always be told. I perform at nights ranging from Showtime at Cafe de Paris, the Llangollen Eisteddfod, a Combined Services Entertainment Comedy Store in a hangar in Helmand, through a wedding for Henry Bonas Events where the bride's father owned three-quarters of Hungary, the Ferrari Owners of Great Britain Club, the founders of Tesco Club Card; to a Kemp Town Convent, the East Suffolk WI circuit and two annual Flower Festivals in St Peter's for the Non-Elective Dean of Bocking. 
  Said Henry Bonas: 'Maybe don't this time accuse Forbes-Paignton, QC, of his particular form of animal husbandry.'
  Said the Non-Elective Dean: 'I suggest use of your vocabulary up to and including "Bum!".'
  Said the Eisteddfod Druid: 'Family show, remember. If you get a heckle from a kid, please don't wonder where when you need him is King Herod.'

  The Bottom Line? 
  What I object to is someone who is familiar with my work booking me on the expectation that I will offend: 
  My Tutu Went AWOL to (I was never told) raise funds for Selby Abbey, the show being attended by some of the wealthiest and most devout Catholics in the land.  To hear me quote Royal Marine, Stacks, describing the ideal drag-shoe aka the Virgin Mary's espadrilles and referring to Lourdes as Holy Water Centre Parcs. 
  One local solicitor actually withdrew his proffered prize from the draw. 
  Which leads me neatly to...
  My best ever being told: 

Read: The Mother Superior's Veto

  When the Mother Superior booking me to sing asked me not to speak between songs at all and certainly not include any of my talk on the facts of life. 'Because God, child, never wants us to overreach ourselves.' 

#corporate #events #corporateentertainment #cabaret #variety #drag 

Thursday, 14 June 2018

Another Book Talk in Another Women's Institute

    I hope your own throwback Thursday is going swimmingly. Very much looking forward to talking about My Tutu Went AWOL to the Hollesley WI tonight.
  The Royal Marine, Stacks, central to the book, involved with counter-piracy just now, says the WI talks are a boon for me: because - and how right he is - I don't feel the need to hide, lie or up-cycle.
  'There you are, chick, being just you and happy in your niche. I know sometimes you wish you were David Beckham in a tutu. But you're a variety throwback. For Thursday or any other day.  With your pipes; your tiddle-iddle thud in six dozen sewn-together doilies; your stories about yodeling, your mother being possessed by him that broke his gas fire, burlesque giraffes.  Like when you faced all us bootnecks in Helmand. We've seen it all before - and more - likewise women of that certain age. We're onto any wool-pulling and you know it.'
  He just wants me to grow a pair and put back into my WI show tonight the bit of real opera that I sang when I first met him.
  'But mainly, chick - remember, we all go along better in life in our specific niche. Be in yours.'  I said I would try.  'Right - my niche just at the moment is to stop this Somalian pirate from going where he thinks he's off to. Text me later and tell me how much the WI loved me again through you.'

  #Womensinstitute #operetta #nichemarketing #royalmarinescommando #wisdom #life #lifehacks #quotesforlife #throwbackthursday #tbt

Wednesday, 13 June 2018

In it for the Game: Niche Social Media Marketing

'In it for the Game not the Money,' says genius entrepreneur Gary Vee.
  We try.
  I try.
  I do.
  But how to translate his use of social media for his conglomeracy into my little corner of clown niche?

The Bottom Line?

  I see posting on here, YouTube, Facebook, Pinterest, Quora, LinkedIn, Instagram, etc, as the modern equivalent of - FOR FREE - putting up posters for my shows.  As I did back in the day around Aldeburgh. In the doctors surgery. In the pub and the charity shop.
  The church porch only if my show's material was swear-free.
  And why wouldn't you, says Gary Vee.
  Whose game I play.
  I do.
  I try.
  Just that - the video kvetch - there's always someone with that bigger game.
  Not a surprise in my case, given that clown niche, my age, that I don't sing anything composed later than 1937 or dance anything post-Nutcracker.
  But still, let's put the trainers on - £12.99 - and get out and play.
  #socialmediamarketing #motivation #GaryVee #socialmedia #YouTube #Quora #Facebook #Instagram #SocialMedia #Pinterest #LinkedIn

Monday, 11 June 2018

Author of Nation's Favourite Book Gives Mine Five Stars

                                                 Does My Undertaking look Big in This?

  Monday Motivation has kicked off with a review of My Tutu Went AWOL.
  'A book unlike any other, of a story unlike any other. Totally mad, very funny and highly recommended.' ***** Dr Adam Kay. Author of runaway international bestseller, This is Going to Hurt. The Nation's Favourite Book.
  Now, onward. Let's smash this week!
  Actually, I'm going back to bed.

#mondaymotivation #monday #bestseller