Iestyn Edwards is...what?

I'm filling in forms online to do some house-sitting.  Question. How comfortable are you with using different types of home appliances and technology? In addition to keeping the property safe and secure, home owners would expect you to be able to use electrical appliances as and when required, also any security systems and smart home devices. Would this be an issue for you?  Example answer (as given online):  I was loading our family dishwasher from age seven. At age ten, I graduated to the washing machine. The oven came at age fourteen making scones with my grandmother. (Who pronounced the word of this loveliest of baked goods: sconn. But let’s not start that argument.) As I am in my late twenties – first Saturn Return getting underway, peeps - I pretty much grew up online, so am good to go with smart home devices and similar. When buying anything she calls ‘ether-technological’ my aunt Nelly will still wait at the checkout for them to give her an instruction manual. I k...

'You gotta have a dream. If you don't have a dream, how you gone have a dream come true?'                                                                                                 Oscar Hammerstein ii 'And the dreams that your dare to dream really do come true.' (My italics.)                                                                                                   Yip Harburg Do you dream?  Do you dream big? Do you dream detailed ?  I would visualise and visualise my character-...

In my local cafe this morning Sarah, who bakes some of the cakes, was trying unsuccessfully to contact Lea, who bakes the others. 'Lea, can you please tell us if your plum cake has nuts in it? A man asking needs to know.' Ten minutes later and Lea was still off-radar. Sarah apologised to the customer and suggested other cakes that wouldn't trigger his nut allergy.  He said, 'Oh, I haven't got a nut allergy as such. Just that there seem to be almond flakes all over any cake you care to mention these days, and I can breathe them into my windpipe, which makes me cough.'  Oh.  Sarah herself has been known to confuse customers with the difference between 'a tea cake that might well arrive here ready-toasted, and the item we actually serve here, which is a tea cake that we toast while you wait.'  Ah...

I was doing a gig in a town in North Wales.   Mair, a native of the town, had something to say to me about the amenities up the hill. Mair was teeny-tiny and gaunt, sitting by the bus window in the midst of a sou’wester.  ‘Don’t be fooled,’ she said. ‘The Old Post Office never were.’ ‘What were it as built, then?’ Sarah asked. She was long and lean with an iridescent blue rinse, sitting high in pink trainers, which she would have called daps. She clutched the fake fur collar of her puce coat, then dabbed first her left, then right, earlobe.   ‘As built,’ said Mair, 'it were a plain new house. From the off in a dip and prone to damp.’ ‘But who could make such a decision to lie about its history, then?' Mair appeared to want out of her sou’wester, straining forward. ‘Council. On behalf of tourism. You find this sort of malarkey where there isn't something to tour past by coach. Loch Ness, Imperial War Museum, birthplace of Lord Lucan.’ Sarah said, ‘But they have t...

  Rather than my mother’s pilot fish. I have always challenged Eirwen, my narcissist  ne plus ultra  mother. And, as we often must when dealing with a narcissist, I have fought to be my own shark rather than that pilot fish mooching along at the shark’s gills. NB — we have Royal Marines Commando, Stacks, to thank for that analogy. Eirwen was an unreasonable, raging, physically violent mother. I read and re-read  Charlotte’s Web . One teatime Eirwen, leering, simpering, was telling family friend Connie  Practically Bedridden  Presland how Charlotte famously spun words into her web. ‘Words such as “splendid”, “magical” and “brilliant”.’ ‘No,’ I said. ‘Charlotte spins “Some Pig”, “Terrific”, “Radiant” and “Humble”…’ Connie’s features shrunk on my behalf. Eirwen shouted at me, ‘I’ll thank you — snivelling fatso — not to question your elders and betters.’ ‘“Some Pig”, “Terrific”, “Radiant”, “Humble”,’ I repeated. ‘I beg your pardon. This is Eirwen Silcox you’re ...

                 This happened. The editor thinks it's a book of dog sitter stories waiting to happen. I am scribbling away at same...  I first house sat by default. I was a live-in safety net at the time for Olive Eynsford, a seventy-nine-year-old Bostonian suffering with alcoholism, leg ulcers and a lilac tinted backcombed afro. I had left full-time singing teaching. It was my dream to move to Deaven. Olive’s house in Lembton was only two miles along the coast. When I first met her, Olive had been very much, ‘Look at the women in this cafe. All failed schizophrenics. There’s Wendy Simons - so upper-lowbrow she thinks the Guggenheim is a song from Fiddler on the Roof. Oh, God, here’s Daphne. Talk about self-pity for having lost her one husband when some of us have got through a whole three.’ After I moved into her attic floor, she was far more: 'Iestyn, how about you give us all a treat and wear a different shirt for a change?' 'I...

                       I went to church today for St David's Day. I will go again. At Holy Trinity, Bungay, I was welcomed by a verger, known around town as being very caring and community minded. I didn't catch her name, but will be going to a Thursday meeting she holds at my friend Clare's Old Bank Cafe. She mispronounced my name as Justin, and when I told her Iestyn was the Welsh version, she went and fetched the daffodil that had fallen over in the churchyard. 'For a Welsh man on his patron saint's day.' I was also intrigued by the excellent sermon on the Nicodemus story.  The kind verger approached me a second time to shake my hand during the giving and receiving of the Peace. This thoughtfulness reminded me of something that happened some years ago now in Deaven, Suffolk.  A posse led by Lady Dawn and Annabel Williams-Smyth approached the Reverend Peter Cooper, the new incumbent of St Mary's, to ask if he woul...