Iestyn Edwards Wonders...is it Lumpy or Runny?

These are from my forthcoming book of Eavesdrops. When I last stayed here, you were alongside a lovely river. The last thing I was expecting was llamas. Let alone, right in the driveway as we arrived, bin-bags on sale of their pooh.   I know you're going for the vintage, bedsit land vibe. Which you've fully achieved with your Baby Belling, bead curtain and candlewick bedspread.  But perhaps think twice about your retro-signage with the mid-last-century acronyms on? H and C and A.M.C. are fine, or course - but not N.P.O.C! If you're going to rent out your narrow boat, you must do something about the over-inquisitive swans.  Apartment?  Really?  At best it's an en-suite-banquette-couchette , ducks.  Being a criminal barrister, I’ve consulted with convicted murders in bigger spaces under the Old Bailey.   I really don't think the "Things of Interest to do in Wiltshire" folder should include cash only order forms for your home-made scones, fudge,...

                                                                                        I still call these ‘hyacinths’. (Kidding…) Talking of the first day of spring — the year I was seven, in late October (bear with me, I know what I’m doing here…I think…) Miss Postlethwaite gave each of her Holy Trinity students a daffodil bulb to overwinter. She asked us to bring the plants back into school on the first day of spring. I carefully slid my bulb in its faux terracotta pot to the back of the three-corner cupboard in the sitting room.  Beneath the square of carpet where the cupboard stood, I had over time hidden certain LPs belonging to my father; thus putting an end to being made to sit with my parents and brother plus various Lillians, Connies and Brendas (hous...

Another transcript of a Tarot reading: "Thank you very much for drawing near: angels, ancestors, spirits, God of the universe, intergalactic beings, elders. Look...the Tower, I’m telling you Taurus! There is something black flying around. This is a spy bot from the Illuminati to see what I’m telling you. We have the Justice card on its side. That’s interesting. This may be a court case, or you waiting to hear from the authorities. You will receive justice. The court house card hit the planets die and it turned to Uranus. But us Uranus on your side? False, court, shit, coffin. Wealthy man, half way, loves, privileged lady. You’re about to get sent a brand new soul mate. It could be a Taurus, like yourself, or an Aquarius or Libra. He, she, they, them, this is a brand new energy. See the flowers...new beginnings. This is the spiritual court’s ruling. Whoever is your counterpart in the spiritual realm – that you have the psychic mission to go on with – was taking too long, so the...

With all the activity in the stars, and it being my birthday month, I've been looking to YouTube for guidance.  Here's a transcript of what I learned: Taurus.  Lovers and Friends. You’re seeing rainbows – maybe a beautiful one - or flowers. Things are growing. I’m picking up birthdays. [Really?! What a coincidence: a Taurus birthday falling in the Taurus month...] What gift are you activating? We have the temple of truth and – beautiful – your throat chakra is opening. A singer or a speaker of a celebrant. I’m picking up heavy music, some sort of water. What you’re saying comes straight from the divine. Taking your power back. You’re in your energy with your throat chakra. If you do music, you communicate, and are taking back your power. You could be a healer and could be opening the door to a new car or house. This card says, Don’t Trust. You’re really powerful right now. Something about manifesting through your speaking. A lot of positive energy here. Again, we have taking ...

My friend Lavvy had her Mother's Day treat last night. Today - Sunday - she and her family are moving house. Her husband and two children took her to see  Snow White.  Now, in 1937, when Snow White bit into the apple and died, there was weeping in the cinemas.  Lavvy reported that when the same happened with Rachel Zegler last night, there was applause.  #mothersday #snowwhite #disney #disneysnowhite #funny #humor #humour #talks #publicspeaker #mytutuwentawol 

A father in the confectionary section of my local Waitrose asked his small son what he thought mummy would like for Mother's Day tomorrow. The boy replied, 'I think mummy would most like to watch me play football.'   Dad clarified, 'I meant from here, Ben. Choc - '  Ben wasn't broaching any argument. 'Look, daddy, I know that she will want to do that because she's my mummy !'  Which, you must admit, has some logic to it.  I repeated this exchange to a till partner.  She asked me if I had bought my own mother flowers yet. I said, 'One of my mother's is dead, the other doolally.' She didn't take a beat. 'But you can still buy the flowers!' I know the partners are on a profit share at Waitrose, but really!  #mothersday #mothersday2025 #mothersdayspecial #mothersdaygiftideas #observationalcomedy #humour #humor #families 

                                                                      Click to buy the book 'My spoken material is about the facts of life,'  I was explaining to the Mother Superior.  'I've been asking people what they were told, how they were told it and did they ask questions. Terribly funny...'    During my Where do Babies Come From? talk at the Metrodeco Café, Brighton, a  superfluity of nuns stopped at the window to listen.  In the street later that week one of them glided up and said how much they had enjoyed hearing me sing.  ' And we wonder, might you please sing something for our charity evening?' I said, of course, sister.   The nun nodded.  'That's very good to hear.  But just to correct you: not sister - but  Mother  Superior.' She then ...