Monday, 11 April 2016

Thoughts on Chaturbate

  I've been challenged to write about something 'now' and 'sexy'. Chaturbate is nearly enough now and almost sexy.  It is to established camshow sites what Uber is to London black cabs. 
  You can watch a Chaturbate performer's show for free and, if you especially like something that they do, tip them with pre-bought tokens. They might smoke, for one popular example, put down their mobile phone for more than five seconds; react hilariously to their cat jumping into shot and landing just where you wouldn't want an open claws scenario. 
  That sort of thing.
  There are rules: No spamming. Do not insist the cam hosts to do as you please. Do not announce other rooms or websites that would conflict with this room. Avoid any argumentative and/or rude posts related to the cam viewing. Do not attempt to post your e-mail address in the public chat.
  An announcement on the public chat feed from a rival performer offering free tokens on their page will be immediately deleted and the performer in question blocked from the feed. An announcement for a professional cam show site was given similarly short shrift, as was one offering passes to a strip club in downtown L.A., one for penis enlargements and a third for Rinso washing powder. 
  Second thoughts - as yesterday afternoon I was half researching Chaturbate for this blog and half watching three Miss Marples back to back, I may be at cross-purposes with myself over that Rinso announcement. 
  All good clean- no, don't pardon the pun, I don't deserve it - fun, except that the professionals have waded in. 
  There are hairy legged, concave chested, convex bellied boy-next-door types, broadcasting from a bedsit via an iphone turned portrait - as there should be. But there are also the uber-buff, all over immac'd, eyes slightly too close together Solo professional porn performers, being filmed by a subsidiary of Universal Pictures in a sexualised nowhere landscape. Our boy next door will be happy to give a full sex show for tips of single tokens, whereas our uber-buffoid will have a reserve estimate of two hundred and ninety-tokens for a flash of his slightly lesser-developed pectoral. And he will make that reserve. 
  To me this reeks of the sadness of a Royal Ballet principal needing to do open class at Pineapple for the ego-boost, or the fully paid up muscle mary intimidating the everyday users of the council provided gym machines in the park opposite Turnpike Lane tube station. I asked on a chaturbate community feed how such clearly professional actors were permitted on what was ostensibly an amateur site.
  The answer I got was that Chaturbate caters for all-comers


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