Skip to main content

Tabard Tweaks...

  Afternoon to you all - and apologies for a lack of posts.  I've been recording the audiobook of ​Tutu with Mornington Media - including songs - and writing the next book, ​Found, Found My Tutu Now ​(working title) having been signed to agent Lisa Eveleigh at Richard Beckford Associates.  'We need to know more about your psychic mother, country and western singer father, the strip-a-gram giraffe...'
  Thrilled that ​Tutu ​is being carried around on concessions trays (I am an ex-Royal Opera House usherette after all) at the Winter Gardens Margate, the Hippodrome Leicester Square and the Royal Albert Hall. And I love seeing it in my local shop. Local Author with Rave Reviews in Non-Local Press
  Cynthia has retired from the shop...
  First time ever shopping at Cynthia’s I had looked for a basket, not found one, begun taking items off the shelves.  Excusing herself from a customer, Cynthia had politely but firmly relieved me of the items, and replaced them. ‘We’re not self-service here like the Co-Op or Sid's Electricals.  Oh, and Wood’s garage is only self-service just now due to a bereavement.’
  Then when it was my turn, she had asked me what I would like.  ‘Jam, first, would it be?  Thank you very much.’  Tweaking the fringe of her page-boy bob, then the middle button on her tabard and lastly the knees of her stockings.  ‘And would that be apricot, blackberry, blackcurrant, damson, gooseberry, quince, raspberry or strawberry?’ 
  Damson, please.
  ‘Thank you very much.  And would that be Robinsons, Tiptree or home made?  Home made, would it?  Thank you very much.’  The three tweaks again.  ‘And would that be home made by Mrs Aaron, Mrs. Abbot, Mrs. Ackhurst, Mrs. Addenham, Mr…hm!...Agate, Mrs. Ahern, Mrs. Allan, Mrs…’
  I decided against buying Pic-N-Mix.
  But please decide to review Tutu ​on Amazon!  I'm off to showcase my book show talk at the Women's Institute tomorrow...
 

Comments

  1. Bullion Jackpot Call11 July 2017 at 00:11

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bullion Jackpot Call11 July 2017 at 00:12

    Superb post of "Tabard Tweaks..."

    Commodity Tips in Gold Silver | MCX Tips Provider

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous16 July 2017 at 16:31

    Thank you for sharing the story behind your inspiration for Enforcer's
    Pride. That must have been a rewarding, yet difficult job you had.

    www.golden-slot.com


    ReplyDelete
  4. Unknown12 October 2017 at 22:24

    waoo nice story post.I like it

    Thanks,

    Crude Oil Jackpot Call | Gold Jackpot Call

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Mate Jamie-Ray Hartshorne

     I've been noticing that alongside photos of Jamie-Ray being a lead in Altar Boys , creating Change My Body UK TM , working the door at Freedom - and clearly asking people passing by wherever that rockpool may be to snap a double-bicep - this sort of thing is cropping up on his social media:   We're in The Diner, Jamestown Road, Camden.  He's between tour dates of  The Bodyguard,  and meetings to discuss sportswear and creatine endorsements.  The latter, he says, being all about making his product better.   Between sips of his peanut butter milkshake (he's allowing himself dairy today in my honour - I don't quite know how to take that) he says in his soft Brum, 'I've signed up for a major Muay Thai event in Thailand next February.  I'm going up against one of the Thai fighters.  That's the only real way to gain any respect in the fighting world.  That's why you've been noticing the combat photos.  I...
1 comment
Read more

Me Featuring in The Sunday Times, Nicely...

  This happened. The editor thinks it's a book of dog sitter stories waiting to happen. I am scribbling away at same...  I first house-sat by accident. I was originally at Haven House, Lembton, as a live-in safety net for Lady Olive Simmonds, a seventy-nine year-old Bostonian with a lilac afro, a Temazepam habit and leg ulcers. Haven House was by the sea. Eighteenth century, elegant, comfortable.  But there was Olive... Always in pain; either drunk, hungover or both; barely educated. She had married a man who was knighted, and believed this gave her a licence to be a twat. According to Olive, her fellow Lembtonians were all dull academics - this group having reading ages older than hers, which was thirteen - or failed schizophrenics. She had serious monophobia, with staff working (unnecessarily) every day apart from weekends. At weekends, first thing, anxious, she would ring round the Lembtonians that were still speaking to her - six in number - inviting them for coffee, ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Marine Says I Must Re-queer...

                                                                 Being camp in Camp Basra... Stacks, ex-Royal Marines Commando, recently watched my Tutu Went AWOL! show on Zoom. He had notes. I was shifting from foot to foot, he said, and gesturing too much. 'And you must put back the stuff about the Brigadier and your fellow comedian being homophobic...' The Brigadier had been sneering about my act, saying it would be more suited to Butlins. But, more importantly, he believed I was an 'inappropriate influence on 42 Commando'.  Stacks, deadpan, commented, 'Sir, before Iestyn started hanging out with us, sir, it had never occurred to him to play Tiddlywinks with anything other than his thumb, sir.'  My fellow comedian, who I'll call Mark, because that's his name, asked Reg, Garrison Sergeant Major, in front of ...
Post a Comment
Read more