"He Was Exactly the Right Size for the Venue" and Other Audience Reactions

  These have been collected at theatres and forwarded on:

  He was exactly the right size for the venue.
  

  I forgot to ask how the goats delayed his tutu beading.
  

  He does like his carrots!
  

  His writing is like very dark Jilly Cooper.
  

  I suppose at his age he has no choice.
 

  I was going to tell him there is actually a direct bus here from Abergavenny, but thought better of it.
  

  What an interesting racial mix he is - half Maori, half Jewish.
  

  Does the Virgin Mary really wear espadrilles?
  

  I think I might have seen something a bit like him once.
  

  He'll either have to sort the accent, or move that Marine from Manchester.

  I'm so pleased we stuck to our guns and wouldn't give him the keys to the CD player.

  He coped very well against the sounds of Margaret in the kitchen with her doings.
 

  This was a risk for new committee members. We'll decide at the next meeting if it paid off.
  

  He coped brilliantly with the corrugated iron having been peeled away just above the performing area. Local kids trying to steal net balls again. Disenfranchisement be buggered.
  

  Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John, I thought, for a bit of it.

  I should think after him now we'll go back to having absolutely classical string quartets and piano recitals.

  I thought it showed lovely manners when he gave back his raffle prize of the glitter-sprayed antlers.  They were real. Val thought, on the other hand, as he mentions living in a bedsit, he'd have had nowhere apt to display them.

  Where on earth was all that talcum powder emanating from underneath?

  Clearly the love child of Lars Tharp - off the Antiques Roadshow - and Anne Widdecombe.