Sell Your Hair to the Doll Factory...why not?

I met my friend Kitty in the street. Her hair was vast. She said something along these lines: ‘I’m growing my hair to sell to a doll factory in Puerto Rico, proceeds going to the Hacienda Verde. Year’s growth: they’re offering three thousand five hundred. Just off to the treatment clinic. They put on it Kamatakan mung-dynasty beans, Tregothnan Manuka honey and Watneys pale, then leave it to do its thing for a fortnight. Then they drain it all off and in a petri dish collect what the beans have poohed out after they’ve eaten and drunk: except they don’t eat and drink like…with mouths…whatever. Then they put this stuff on your hair and you have to leave it for six months till the clinic cuts your hair off - and it gets to the stage where nobody can stand to be around you without the aid of burning joss sticks. I had to take a tarpaulin for a swimming hat at Christmas (I call it Winter Solstice Plus Three these days) when I went on a “finding myself” trip; swam with dolphins. Came back after a day and I’m suing the travel company because the whole time the dolphins were laughing at me...'

I never know how much of her life Kitty believes.

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