Skip to main content

Thea's Final Wishes

  It was in Easter week that one of my closest friends, Thea, died and I sang at her funeral.  She had asked me to sing when she had been in remission.
 'And not something maudlin, either,' she had said.  'I don't want to be sitting up there on my cloud and looking down at you shouting for you to pull your daft self together!  I want The Holy City  - and let them applaud, none of that shushing them with your hands, respectful of what the occasion is. I want the occasion to be bonkers.' 
  As Thea and I had been so close, when she stopped me in the Saxmundham Station carpark a year or so later and said that she was now definitely dying, she added that I must go behind her husband and make sure he didn't leave her lying out in state in the church, as he planned. 
  'Lying there in full view of everyone, including some people that I won't know. I'd be ashamed. What? No, not in an open casket - who do you think I am, Mother Theresa of Calcutta?  But still the coffin would be Tom All Alone's there on the bier to be gawped at. And I don't want that. So, Iestyn, please make sure that Jock goes along with my wishes.  I want to be cremated.  On my own.  Oh, lord above, what does that sound like?  I'm actually not expecting him to cling to my coffin as it goes through the curtain, like a widower form of sati. Just, I need you to make sure I get cremated.  Now, go and get your lift into Aldeburgh before I get you to manipulate the colour of the smoke that's going to come out of the crematorium chimney.  God knows how you'd get it the exact shade of summer damson that I like...' 
  It was the last time I saw her. She was cremated.  I sang The Holy City.  And let them react as they would. 
  


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Some Favourite Books - But Please don't Lesbify Dame Agatha's Denouements

  I'm too tired to read anything new so have been round the libraries taking out my default-setting books to read over Christmas. These include:    The Pursuit of Love , Nancy Mitford.   The blood-stained entrenching tool displayed above the fireplace, child-hunting over Shenley Common, Jassy traumatising the local children telling them the facts of life.  The scene at the Gare du Nord where Linda sits on her luggage to cry and meets Fabrice always takes me back to the first reading of the novel, sitting wrapped in my Welsh Tweed shawl, in a tiny bedroom on the eighteenth floor of a high-rise in Kennington.   The Pursuit of Love is romantic, hilarious and bleakly eccentric.    Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady , Florence King. When I entertained troops on the American base in Kandahar, four South Carolina army captains made me an Honorary Southern Belle. Madame Galina, they said, in all her unreasonable, high-blooded,...

My Mate Jamie-Ray Hartshorne

     I've been noticing that alongside photos of Jamie-Ray being a lead in Altar Boys , creating Change My Body UK TM , working the door at Freedom - and clearly asking people passing by wherever that rockpool may be to snap a double-bicep - this sort of thing is cropping up on his social media:   We're in The Diner, Jamestown Road, Camden.  He's between tour dates of  The Bodyguard,  and meetings to discuss sportswear and creatine endorsements.  The latter, he says, being all about making his product better.   Between sips of his peanut butter milkshake (he's allowing himself dairy today in my honour - I don't quite know how to take that) he says in his soft Brum, 'I've signed up for a major Muay Thai event in Thailand next February.  I'm going up against one of the Thai fighters.  That's the only real way to gain any respect in the fighting world.  That's why you've been noticing the combat photos.  I...

Where do Babies Come From? How we Learn about Sex...Book Just Launched on Amazon Kindle

                                                                      Click to buy the book 'My spoken material is about the facts of life,'  I was explaining to the Mother Superior.  'I've been asking people what they were told, how they were told it and did they ask questions. Terribly funny...'    During my Where do Babies Come From? talk at the Metrodeco CafĂ©, Brighton, a  superfluity of nuns stopped at the window to listen.  In the street later that week one of them glided up and said how much they had enjoyed hearing me sing.  ' And we wonder, might you please sing something for our charity evening?' I said, of course, sister.   The nun nodded.  'That's very good to hear.  But just to correct you: not sister - but  Mother  Superior.' She then ...