Holiday Bucket List Suggestion

Holidays, you'll agree, can be fraught with families. I can hear your teeth gnashing, some of you. I've written on this before. See: I'll Be Lone for Christmas...You can Envy Me!

Now...here's a holiday bucket list idea for some me-time.

I don't have those gardening tips, ideas for stately homes to visit, how to D.I.Y., how to master whatever high quality backlinks may be, cheap deals on seaside getaways, recipe ideas, last minute city breaks, deals on the Eurostar, cheap theatre tickets, last minute hotels...

Bottom line?
I have this:

Audiobook: My Tutu Went AWOL

Produced by Oliver Nelken at Mornington Media. Self-narrated, including opera as sung privately for Her Majesty, ad libs, extra material and bloopers. By which I mean that Oliver left the microphone live when I was seriously buggering stuff up - accents, recreating the sound of Velcro ripping on my body armour skirt, confusing Tristars with Tridents.
Ideal for hammock dangling, driving, leg day, back day, arm day, throw back Thursday, Monday Motivation and the Friday feeling aka TGIF.
Go on, give My Tutu Went AWOL a try. It's free if you trial Audible.com. Yes, I know, those trials. Once the free period has expired, you're automatically signed up for endless copies of Butterfly Monthly, eternal damnation or HD no-advert porn.

Solution?
Just get Alexa or your equivalent to remind you to cancel.

I can't emphasise the following enough...

It's the one tip I do have. Don't invade a My Tutu Went AWOL book show at the Brighton Festival, thanks, lads.
Or this may happen to one of you. Loss of shirt, tracksuit bottoms and dignity.

Comments

My Mate Jamie-Ray Hartshorne

I've been noticing that alongside photos of Jamie-Ray being a lead in Altar Boys , creating Change My Body UK TM , working the door at Freedom - and clearly asking people passing by wherever that rockpool may be to snap a double-bicep - this sort of thing is cropping up on his social media: We're in The Diner, Jamestown Road, Camden. He's between tour dates of The Bodyguard, and meetings to discuss sportswear and creatine endorsements. The latter, he says, being all about making his product better. Between sips of his peanut butter milkshake (he's allowing himself dairy today in my honour - I don't quite know how to take that) he says in his soft Brum, 'I've signed up for a major Muay Thai event in Thailand next February. I'm going up against one of the Thai fighters. That's the only real way to gain any respect in the fighting world. That's why you've been noticing the combat photos. I...

Me Featuring in The Sunday Times, Nicely...

This happened. The editor thinks it's a book of dog sitter stories waiting to happen. I am scribbling away at same... I first house-sat by accident. I was originally at Haven House, Lembton, as a live-in safety net for Lady Olive Simmonds, a seventy-nine year-old Bostonian with a lilac afro, a Temazepam habit and leg ulcers. Haven House was by the sea. Eighteenth century, elegant, comfortable. But there was Olive... Always in pain; either drunk, hungover or both; barely educated. She had married a man who was knighted, and believed this gave her a licence to be a twat. According to Olive, her fellow Lembtonians were all dull academics - this group having reading ages older than hers, which was thirteen - or failed schizophrenics. She had serious monophobia, with staff working (unnecessarily) every day apart from weekends. At weekends, first thing, anxious, she would ring round the Lembtonians that were still speaking to her - six in number - inviting them for coffee, ...

The Marine Says I Must Re-queer...

Being camp in Camp Basra... Stacks, ex-Royal Marines Commando, recently watched my Tutu Went AWOL! show on Zoom. He had notes. I was shifting from foot to foot, he said, and gesturing too much. 'And you must put back the stuff about the Brigadier and your fellow comedian being homophobic...' The Brigadier had been sneering about my act, saying it would be more suited to Butlins. But, more importantly, he believed I was an 'inappropriate influence on 42 Commando'. Stacks, deadpan, commented, 'Sir, before Iestyn started hanging out with us, sir, it had never occurred to him to play Tiddlywinks with anything other than his thumb, sir.' My fellow comedian, who I'll call Mark, because that's his name, asked Reg, Garrison Sergeant Major, in front of ...

Iestyn Edwards is...what?

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