Global Warming and Ellen Marsden

We've had such a heatwave here, Ellen Marsden nearly started sleeping outside early.

Ellen is next door neighbour to Carl Frint, gardener at Longacres House.

He'll tell you, 'I can mark my seasons' clock by first hearing Ellen squidging around on her air mattress. I'll be taking Penny out to do her business last thing, and Ellen will call over the wall - council still hasn’t repaired it: eleven years and counting - “Here’s me then, sleeping outdoors for the foreseeable”. And I'll call back, being careful not to mention the obvious, "Well, you need to be comfortable".'

The obvious being that Ellen weighs thirty-five stone.

Carl has other season markers. Dahlias blackened by first frost, first car accidents due to dry ice, first ducklings mauled by Sadie and Buster, Lady Dawn's German Shepherds.

Those markers remind me of Halberdier Glass from Waugh’s Sword of Honour trilogy. ‘Two of our platoon overstayed their leave this morning’; ‘Major Trench made a visit to the lines last night. Went on something awful about the bread in the will tubs’; ‘Corporal Hill just shot himself down by the bridge. They’re bringing the body in now.’

Thankfully, it cools down again here after Sunday.

#globalwarming#global#heatwave#obesity#habits#funny#humour#life

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