Wisdom from a Mother Superior

                                                                             The Mother Superior's eye-view...

                                            Listen to My Tutu Went AWOL! on Audible

I’ve been on the My Tutu Went AWOL! book tour for ten years. I started the tour on my fiftieth birthday, two years before actual publication.

Well — Mendelssohn had his Songs without Words, so I didn’t see why I shouldn’t have a book launch without a book.

I advertised the talks as, ‘Previews with pirouettes and pianissimos’.

Oh, dear Lord.

AKA abasing myself for the sake of presales.

My first event was at Metrodeco in Brighton. During it, a superfluity of nuns stopped at the window to listen in. (I mean — why wouldn’t they?) A few days later one of them glided up to me and said how much they had enjoyed my singing. ‘And we wonder, might you please sing something for our charity evening?’

I said, ‘Of course, sister.’

The nun nodded. ‘That’s very good to hear. But just to correct you: not sister — but Mother Superior.’ That told me. ‘And when you spoke at length, were you introducing the songs? We could hear your singing very well, but not so much the speaking.’

I said, ‘The speaking part is separate material, Reverend Mother.’

Look at me knowing how to address a Mother Superior!

Thanks to all those viewings of The Sound of Music...

She said, ‘And might you be able to include some of the spoken word as — shall we say — light relief?’

Tales from my tours entertaining troops in Iraq and Afghanistan in a tutu. Royal Marines Commandos seen in their unnatural habits. Dare we? ‘Err…’

The Reverend Mother caught on, looking one part beatific to two parts admonishing. ‘Ah. Then perhaps just the singing,’ she said. ‘As we must always remember: God never wants us to overreach ourselves.’

Indeed, He doesn’t.

Wait…He doesn’t?

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