Monday Eavesdrops

'My mother wasn’t prepared and forewarned about being evacuated, they just billeted her on some retired schoolteachers in the New Forest. Whereas, my granddaughter recently was given a forewarning photograph of her new infant school teacher.'

'Real ghosts vanishing always remind me of the shrinking dot of light at the very end of old television.'

'If your operation scar’s likely to be longer than six inches, always go private.'

'I just don’t think Bernard should be automatically in charge of everything. He’s selfish. He goes to Hastings every year the same two weeks and hogs the perpetual toaster. He tells us. As though it’s something to be proud of. And he expects the proprietress to keep his same table for meals and keep the peony in his vase dead upright, even if that means taking some of the fish tank gravel out of the vases on other tables. He checks, he tells us.'

'My immediate neighbour keeps telling her dog everyone loves it, which is blatantly untrue.'

'Right now inside Saffron Costa is, swear down, the head of the America branch of the FBI. Drinking tea and reading some old, orange book. So, now I broke his cover, officials: come arrest me. I'll go 'live' on you, secret agents.'

'I just really think, miss, as all pupils live here in this town already we can visit the promenade: go to the amusements, on the rides, and eat a burger any old time. You can't really call it a 'treat', as such. We all went all the way home after last lesson, had a cup of tea, picked up some more money and – at least in my case - put on better socks.'

#eavesdropping #funny #humour #humor #life #observation